I venture to write this piece because, for the entirety of my adulthood, I have not believed in myself or what I truly want. Naturally, I have many thoughts to share and I finally feel clear-minded enough to do so.
I've shut out the possibility that I could become a creative and successful person. For the longest time, those two characteristics did not seem to coincide, but were instead two mutually exclusive labels. As the world shifts, so does my focus as I see hundreds and thousands of individuals building success on creativity itself. It's both inspiring and encouraging to see other women building a career for themselves based on their natural talents - ones that I believe are often overlooked.
I grew up a very artistic child - not one for school (in fact, I hated every bit of it), but instead gravitated towards the arts, writing, and outlets that let me express who I was and the vision I had. My little mind thrived on the Home & Garden network, magazines, drawing and painting, and writing. Unfortunately, I never once believed that these interests were anything beyond hobbies.
By the time I graduated high school, I had filled countless journals and notebooks. Underneath my bed was the home to dozens of magazines, all scoured through and cut to bits as I found particular images that sparked my interest. I took to Tumblr as well (as a great deal of teenagers in the early-mid 2000s can attest to this as well); it was a wonderful creative outlet where I could write and share images and quotes that spoke to me. I was never skilled at math or science and often felt that this meant I would be unsuccessful as an adult. I also believed my interests or talents were less valuable.
When I started college, I was intent on becoming an architect / interior designer. I absolutely loved my art history course and couldn't wait to delve into design. I started to feel incredibly discouraged by the time I finished statistics and dropped out of my physics course. I thought, if this is the path to a creative career, I don't want it. I was also very short-sighted... I wanted what would be easy in the moment without foresight to the future. At the time, I was working as a nanny and the attorney I worked for sparked my interest in law...
I wish someone would have told me: "HANNAH - law is the opposite path of the creative heart you possess!!!" But, truth be told, I loved the idea of becoming a lawyer and I knew I could do it well. I was determined and strong-willed and I loved studying criminal justice. It was also something that felt more tangible...more attainable. Read: it was safe - no big risk involved.
I also excelled greatly in college once I changed my major and started studying social science. I got a true high from making good grades and expressing my opinion through research and essays. By in large, it formed my identity for a time. This set me on a course that did not lead to law school, but instead landed me with a Master's degree in Criminal Justice. I'll always value the journey for what it was, and while I'm incredibly grateful for that path and all it taught me...
it's time to get back to my roots.
I'm disappointed that, in many ways, the culture in America puts forth that a strong work ethic naturally must translate to becoming a doctor, a teacher, a lawyer, and so on. These things are deemed 'worthy' and 'necessary,' while the artistic world is ignored and under valued. I could go on and on about the necessity of art and creatives (e.g. historical value, quality of life, influence in media, culture, etc). Art (in all its MANY forms) quite literally shapes us and our world.
My heart absolutely yearns to create and inspire. I'm driven by visuals and words and doing. There's something so freeing about writing, brainstorming, collecting, envisioning, and ultimately creating. I aspire to create something beautiful with my words: words that encourage and move others. I aspire to use my eye to curate beautiful spaces. I want to push myself outside of the monotony I've been living it to pursue something greater.
For the first time I believe I have the power to do so.
I'm not sure where I'll land, but I'm determined to seek out what makes my heart happy, while inspiring others along the way.
xx,
Comments